I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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