I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
