I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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