Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm bleeding and have questions
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
