i jhust puked up my retainher.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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