He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize