dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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