You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
