ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
