Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
