Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
