Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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