Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
