Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It was a blind-side dick pic.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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