a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
