No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
