At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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