The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come on in and take your pants off
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