That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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