after a month anything with tits is on the radar
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
