just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
