i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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