You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
