I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
