Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
