Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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