I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
