I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I think i got beer on your cat.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
