party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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