I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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