Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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