you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just gift wrapped bread.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
