is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
