OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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