OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
