My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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