What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
