I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
