Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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