I feel great
I just peed on a car
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
