i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
