i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize