My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
