Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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