i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
