I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
