There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize