Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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