I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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