did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
