He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
