even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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