i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
