he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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