I CAN MOONWALK!
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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