WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
