I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
