is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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