ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
