my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Boobs speak an international language.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
