dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
