gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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