Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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