Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
